Discover Your Shadow Self

Our untamed, shadow self is often something that we want to deny; it gets shoved into the background of our clean and tidy lives. However, by embracing our shadow selves we can lead richer, more complete lives. Dancing in the light.

Your shadow self will often act in ways which you dislike and try to combat, but which can seem impossible to control. If you can get to a quiet, mindful space to have a conversation with your shadow self you will find that she has many wisdoms to tell you. When you can discover the unconscious source of the secret feelings driving these unwanted behaviours you can transform them into positive, constructive aspects of yourself.

How can you identify your shadow self?

It can be very helpful to see your mind and spirit as having different personas or layers. You have your conscious waking persona, which often acts as the guard of your behaviours (Oh I would never do something like that!). Then you have the unconscious, emotionally driven shadow persona which acts out your childhood ideas and defences, often behaving like the naughty kid in class.

All of us have experienced the explosion when the unconscious, shadow part of our self acts out in an unacceptable way that we dislike. These explosions might be expressed as things like anger, jealousy, greed or lust. For example, we may consciously want to be a calm, peaceful person; but then our shadow self, acting on its lightning fast, emotional impulses puts our mindful conscious guard to sleep and screams abuse at the other driver. So which part of the self is so full of rage and why? That’s where a dialogue with yourself  becomes crucial.

Have a mindful, compassionate conversation with your shadow.

You probably won’t be able to have a conversation with your shadow self (and you might have more than one shadow) while your shadow self is driving the bus, so to speak. Ie: mid-rage or mid-greed or mid-jealousy. Create for yourself a quiet moment, and quiet headspace, in which to have a mindful, compassionate conversation when the shadow self is quiescent and not in control of your behaviour. During this conversation try to sit within your compassionate conscious self, rather than your judgemental ego self. Most of the emotions driving the shadow self behaviours are likely to be big ones like fear of death, fear of being abandoned and so on. These fears deserve our compassion and kindness.

Here are some questions to help you get started in your conversation:

• Why did your shadow self become so enraged, or greedy, or jealous?
• What fears are beneath that?
• Is there a fear of being abandoned, or of missing out, or being unworthy of love?
• Ask this particular shadow self how old it is?
• Has it been born out of a defence created by yourself as a child?
• Does your shadow self get a thrill out of sneaking around behind your back? (Have you ever noticed how much easier it is to eat quite amazing mountains of food while distracted by TV or a book? Yep.)

Be kind to your shadow self. Thank her for being so protective of you and reassure her that you are safe, you will protect her now, you will love her and hold her close.

It is incredibly rewarding to get in touch with your shadow self (or indeed, your shadow selves.) When we can embrace the shadows of our self we can heal our past, release our creativity, and be more authentic and compassionate with ourselves and others.

We can start to unwind unhealthy behaviours and move into the full richness of our lives, rather than the over sanitised versions we previously thought acceptable.

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At Penrith Counselling women are supported and nurtured by strengths based holistic counselling and Reiki energy healing. Click here for more information.

Alison Howarth is a member of the Australian Counselling Association.